Live like you were dying!

Well, I finally got to Bikram Yoga Tempe today after taking Sunday and Monday off, just feeling very blah, spending a little more time dwelling on my Dad and missing him. Then, on the way home from having dinner with my nephew last night, I was going through radio stations since NPR went from news to Jazz. As I hit a country station, Tim McGraw's "Live like you were Dyin'" came on. Now, when I first heard this a decade ago, it certainly affected me but nothing like it did last night.

He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?

An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

He said "I was finally the husband,
"That most the time I wasn’t.
"An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
"Wasn’t such an imposition,
"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
"Well, I finally read the Good Book,
"And I took a good long hard look,
"At what I'd do if I could do it all again,
"And then:

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?

"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I watched Blue Eagle as it was flyin'."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

It loses a bit without the music to back it up but....it got me thinking about a few things. First, why I didn't go to yoga for two days. Sure I was tired but I know I always feel better physically and emotionally when I do go. Something about striving for balance and form while trying to shut my brain off really chills me out. I should go when I can to make up for the cities where it isn't close enough to go or just isn't offered at all. Then I thought about a grudge I have been holding against someone I had admired so much who had failed me at a very important time in my life. And the "giving forgiveness I had been denying" really hit home. I think I needed to forgive myself first for wanting someone else to ease my pain during a bad time and then forgive the person who hurt me, they had no idea that I relied on them so much.

I am sure I overthink things a lot, but yoga and music really do heal a lot of bruises.

So today I finally went to class, 9 am, Gabby, who was the teacher last Friday when I felt like dying, was teaching. She has an excellent dialogue as I said. It is so nice to hear, almost like the repetition helps with the moving meditation. There were also something like 6 Bikram teachers taking class which was great for peeking and seeing how their pose looked to imitate. Also in the class was a gentleman in a wheelchair who doesn't have the use of his legs so he does the standing series seated and has some adjustments for other things. Now, I would hope that I would have such courage and stamina if I were in his position but really, who knows. I hope he knows how greatly admired he is.

I asked Gabby a couple questions after class because I have gotten some conflicting information from a teacher who said the glutes shouldn't be engaged during Camel pose or any of the back bending poses. Gabby's though on it, which I agree with, is the engaging the glutes allows for more lift through the ribcage and upper body so the backbend is the correct angle. I tried it without the glutes and felt like I was going to injure my back.

The other thing was whether I was hyper-extending my right knee in standing positions. Now, granted, I can rarely stand on one leg long enough for anyone to really get an idea of whether I am hyper extended but....I think because I have such a hard time using my whole foot that the entire leg looks off which leads to the "Hmmm, is that hyper extended?" But I am comfortable with it locked and when I can actually control my big toe and get it to stay on the mat, I feel great and totally not strained at all.

So the moral to my convoluted blog is: Go to Yoga, do what you want to do, as long as you possibly can, because someday you may not have the chance!"

Namaste!